I don't know what I am trying to say...

Tuesday, November 18, 2003
I logged in to write a long vent about my weight and I don't have a clue how to say what I am feeling. I have too long battled w/out positive results and I don't have anyone to blame but myself. Although, I have done all the diets, paid all the dues, bought all the tapes, joined the gyms, worked out till I puked...I've done it all. I should have a t-shirt that says, "Been there, Did the diet!"

I just get so frustrated!!! It's like, can't I just wear a moomoo (however you spell that) and tell everyone that underneath I look just like them??? No, b/c it isn't about hiding it...I want to flaunt it, I want to show everyone "Look what I have accomplished...weight loss", but I can't b/c it never comes off. It just steadily creeps higher and higher up on the scales. I have only weighed myself once since I started this weblog and I am right back where I started. I had lost 11 pounds on Atkins and it's all right back in place...on my ass!!!

I lost 30 pounds one summer and thought I was the shit! Yeah, that came back. I lost another thirty in college and again, though I was the shit...and yeah that came back. See a pattern here??? I wanna just say to hell with it b/c it's all just gonna come right back, isn't it???

There are two girls here at work that want/need to lose weight like me...but also like me, they tend to drift from their diets. I know that if we stuck together on this and supported one another seriously that we could all three help one another and benefit ourselves!

I am so tired all the time...I'm not lazy, I'm tired. Genuinely tired. I am a 26 year old Old Woman!! That's what I feel like anyway. I need to figure out how to motivate myself and not wait on someone else to do it.